Grief and loss are a normal part of life, but sometimes you may need help to cope.

Grief is a reaction to losing someone or something important to you. Experiences that may result in feelings of grief or loss include:

  • the death of someone you love
  • your parents separating or getting divorced
  • being separated from family members, friends or your community
  • moving away from home or leaving your country
  • splitting up with your partner
  • the death of a pet
  • losing your job
  • leaving school or university
  • losing the ability to do things through disability, injury or illness
  • you or someone you know becoming very sick.

How grief can affect you

Everyone experiences grief differently. Some people get back to their usual routine fairly quickly, while others take longer. You may prefer time alone to grieve or crave the support and company of other people.

Grief may affect you differently at different times in your life, depending on:

  • the nature of the loss
  • your cultural or spiritual beliefs
  • your past experiences
  • your coping style
  • your physical health
  • the support systems available to you.

Most people eventually adjust to loss and return to normal life, though they will continue to carry some sadness.

Common feelings

You may experience a range of feelings while grieving. These feelings can happen at any time and for any length of time – you might feel good one day and awful the next, or feel better or worse throughout the day. You may experience sudden or overwhelming waves of feelings.

Common feelings you may experience include:

  • sadness, crying and mood swings
  • depression or anxiety
  • shock or a sense of numbness
  • feeling like the loss is not quite real, or finding it hard to believe or accept that it has happened
  • relief
  • anger
  • shame or guilt
  • feeling lonely, isolated or disconnected from other people
  • suicidal thoughts
  • worrying that you're not grieving normally or ‘correctly', or that you're not remembering to feel sad while you gradually return to normal life
  • wondering if you will ever feel normal again.

You may also experience physical symptoms, including:

  • headaches or aching muscles
  • feeling sick in the stomach
  • feeling tired or lacking energy
  • having trouble sleeping or concentrating
  • getting sick more easily.

When to seek help

There is no time limit or guide to normal or healthy grief. Some people take longer to adjust to losses than others. Often, people just need to be supported to go through their individual grief process, and don't need medication or counselling to manage their grief.

However, it may be a good idea to seek help if you're having trouble coming to terms with the loss and moving on over time, or if you find you're dealing with loss in harmful ways.

As a general guide, a person who is coping very poorly after 1-2 months may be at greater risk of the grieving process taking longer to resolve or being more difficult.

Other signs that seeking help may be a good idea include:

  • using alcohol and other drugs (including prescription drugs) to try to cover up the pain or make it go away
  • pushing away painful feelings or using distracting tasks to avoid experiencing grief
  • excessive avoidance of talking about or reminders of the loss
  • increased physical complaints or illness
  • intense mood swings or isolation which do not resolve within 1-2 months of the loss
  • hurting yourself or other people
  • neglecting self-care or your responsibilities (e.g. not attending classes, not looking after yourself).

Student counselling services

If you are having a personal crisis and need to speak to someone urgently, contact the UQ Counselling and Crisis line:

1300 851 998

If you call 1300 851 998 between 8am and 4:30pm, Monday to Friday, our trained staff will connect you to the right support. Outside of these hours, a trained crisis counsellor will answer for immediate assistance. 

You can also text 0488 884 115 between 4:30pm and 8am to chat with a crisis counsellor.

 

Book a confidential appointment with our counsellors for personal support:

Step one:

Complete the counselling intake form. This form must be completed prior to your first appointment.  

Find the form here

Step two:

Book a counselling appointment

Note: For students at Gatton and Herston campuses, please ensure any face to face appointment is at your preferred location.

 

If you're having trouble booking online, contact Student Services.

    Phone Student Services on 1300 275 870

     Visit Student Central (Building 42, St Lucia campus) or Student Services Gatton (Level 1, N.W. Briton Administration Centre Annexe, Building 8101A)

   Live chat with us (8:30am—4:30pm)

 

Further support

You can speak to your GP, a psychologist, psychiatrist or counsellor outside of UQ.

You can also visit:

Lifeline loss and grief resources