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Scena
tertia.
[Act One, Scene Three]
Enter Servants with lights,
Petruchio, Petronius, Moroso,
Tranio, and
Sophocles.
Petru.
You that are married, Gentlemen, home at ye
For a round wager now.
Soph.
Of this nights Stage?
[390]
Petru.
Yes.
( shillings.
Soph.
I am your first man: a paire of Gloves of twenty
Petru.
Done: who takes me up next? I am for all bets.
Mor.
Well lusty Laurence, were but my night now,
Old as I am, I would make you clap
on Spurs,
But I would reach you, and bring
you to your trot too:
I would Gallants.
( ha?
Petru.
Well said good Will; but where's the staffe boy,
Old father time, your houre-glasse
is empty.
(ces ;
Tra.
A good tough traine would break thee all to pie-
[400]
Thou hast not breath enough to
say thy prayers.
Petron.
See how these boyes despise us. Will you to bed
This pride will have a fall.
( sonne?
Petru.
Upon your daughter;
But I shall rise again, if there
be truth
In Egges, and butter'd Pasnips.
Petro.
Wil you to bed son, & leave talking;
To morrow morning we shall have
you looke,
For all your great words, like
St. George at Kingston,
Running a foot-back from the furious
Dragon, [410]
That with her angry tayle belabours
him
For being lazie.
Tra.
His courage quench'd, and so far quench'd____
Petru.
Tis well sir.
What then?
Soph.
Fly, fly, quoth then the fearfull dwarfe;
Here is no place for living man.
Petru.
Well my masters, if I doe sinke under my busi-
[end column one, begin column two page 100]
nesse, as I finde tis very possible,
I am not the first that has
miscarried; So that's my comfort,
what may be done
[420]
without impeach or waste, I can and
will doe.
Enter Jaques.
How now is my faire Bride a bed?
Jaq.
No truly sir.
Petron.
Not a bed yet? body o'me: we'l up and rifle
her: here's a coyle with a mayden-head,
tis not intayl'd,
is it?
Petru.
If it be, ile try all the Law i'th Land, but Ile
cut
it off: let's up, let's up, come.
Jaq.
That you cannot neither.
[430]
Petru.
Why?
Jaq.
Unlesse you'll drop through the Chimney like
a
Daw, or force a breach i'th windows:
you may untile
the house, tis possible.
Petru.
What dost thou meane?
Jaq.
A morall sir, the Ballat will expresse it:
The wind and the rain has turnd
you back again,
And you cannot be lodged there.
The truth is all the doores
Are baracadoed; not a Cathole, but
holds a murd'rer in't.
She's victual'd for this moneth.
[440]
Petru.
Art not thou drunk?
Soph.
He's drunk, he's drunk; come, come, let's up.
Jaq.
Yes, yes, I am drunke: ye may goe up, ye may
Gentlemen, but take heed to your
heads: I say no more.
Soph.
Ile try that.
Exit Soph.
Petron.
How dost thou say? the door fast lock'd fellow?
Jaq.
Yes truly sir, tis lock'd, and guarded too; and
two as desperate tongues planted
behind it, as ere yet
batterd: they stand upon their honours,
and will not
give up without strange composition,
Ile assure you; [450]
marching away with their Pieces cockt,
and Bullets in
their mouthes will not satisfie them.
Petru.
How's this? how's this they are?
Is there another with her?
Jaq.
Yes marry is there, and an Engineir.
Mor.
Who's that for Heavens sake?
Jaq.
Colonell Byancha, she commands the workes:
Spinala's but a ditcher to
her, there's a halfe-moon: I am
but a poore man, but if you'l give
me leave, Ile venture a
yeeres wages, draw all your force
before it, and mount
[460]
your ablest piece of battery, you
shall not enter it these
three nights yet.
Enter
Sophocles.
Petru.
I should laugh at that good Jaques.
Soph.
Beat back again, she's fortified for ever.
Jaq.
Am I drunk now sir?
Soph.
He that dares most, goe up now, and be cool'd.
I have scap'd a pretty scowring.
Petru.
What are they mad? have we another Bedlam?
They doe not talke I hope?
[470]
Soph.
Oh terribly, extreamly fearfull, the noise at Lon-
don-bridge is nothing neere her.
Petru.
How got she tongue?
Soph.
As you got taile, she was born to't.
Petru.
Lock'd out a doors, and on my wedding-night?
Nay, and I suffer this, I may goe
graze:
Come Gentlemen, Ile batter; are these
vertues?
Soph.
Do, and be beaten off with shame, as I was: I went
up, came to th' doore, knockd, no
body answered;
knock'd lowder, yet heard nothing:
would have broke
[480]
in by force; when suddenly a water-worke
flew from
the window with such violence, that
had I not duck'd
quickly like a Fryer, cætera
quis nescit? The chamber's
nothing but a meere Ostend, in every
window Pewter
cannons mounted, you'l quickly finde
with what they
are charg'd, sir.
[End page 100, catchword: Petru. ]
Petru.
Why then tantara for us.
Soph.
And all the lower works lin'd sure with small
shot, long tongues with Fire-locks,
that at twelve score
blanke hit to the heart: now and
ye dare go up [490]
Enter Maria and Byanca above.
Mor.
The window opens, beat a parley first;
I am so much amaz'd my very haire
stands.
Petron.
Why how now daughter: what intrenc'd?
Mar.
A little guarded for my safety sir.
Petru.
For your safety Sweet-heart? why who offends
I come not to use violence.
( you?
Mar.
I thinke you cannot sir, I am better fortified.
Petru.
I know your end,
You would faine reprieve your Maiden-head
[500]
A night, or two.
Mar.
Yes, or ten, or twenty, or say an hundred;
Or indeed, till I list lie with you.
Soph.
That's a shrewd saying; from this present houre,
I never will believe a silent
woman.
When they break out they are bonfires.
Petro.
Till you list lie with him? why who are you
Bya.
That trim Gentlemans wife, sir.
(Madam?
Petru.
Cry you mercy, do you command too?
Mar.
Yes marry do's she, and in chiefe.
[510]
Bya.
I doe command, and you shall go without:
( I mean your wife, for this night)
Mar.
And for the next too wench, and so as't follows.
Petro.
Thou wilt not, wilt 'a?
Mar.
Yes indeed deere father,
And till he seale to what I shall
set down,
For any thing I know, for ever.
Soph.
Indeed these are Bugs-words.
Tra.
You heare sir, she can talke, God be thanked.
Petru.
I would I heard it not sir.
( man,
[520]
Soph.
I finde that all the pity bestowd upon this wo-
Makes but an Anagram of an ill wife,
For she was never vertuous.
Petru.
Youl let me in I hope, for all this jesting.
Mar.
Hope still Sir.
Petron.
You will come down I am sure.
Mar.
I am sure I will not.
Petron.
Ile fetch you then.
Bya.
The power of the whole County cannot sir,
Unlesse we please to yield, which
yet I thinke [530]
We shal not; charge when you please,
you shall
Heare quickly from us.
Mor.
Blesse me from a Chicken of thy hatching,
Is this wiving?
Petru.
Prethee Maria tell me what's the reason,
And do it freely, you deale thus
strangely with me?
You were not forc'd to marry, your
consent
Went equally with mine, if not before
it:
I hope you do not doubt I want that
mettle
A man should have to keepe a woman
waking; [540]
I would be sorry to be such a Saint
yet:
My person, as it is not excellent,
So tis not old, nor lame, nor weak
with Physick,
But wel enough to please an honest
woman,
That keeps her house, and loves her
husband.
Mar.
Tis so.
Petru.
My means and my conditions are no shamers
Of him that owes 'em, all the world
knows that,
And my friends no reliers on my fortunes.
Mar.
All this I believe, and none of all these parcels
[550]
I dare except against; nay more,
so far
I am from making these the ends I
aime at,
These idle outward things, these
womens feares,
That were I yet unmarried, free to
choose
[end column one, begin column two page 101]
Through all the Tribes of man, i'ld
take Petruchio
In's shirt, with one ten Groats to
pay the Priest,
Before the best man living, or the
ablest
(ones.
That ev'r leap'd out of Lancashire,
and they are right
Petron.
Why do you play the foole then, and stand pra-
Out of the window like a broken Miller!
( ting
[560]
Petru.
If you wil have me credit you Maria,
Come down, and let your love confirme
it.
Mar.
Stay there sir, that bargain's yet to make.
Bya.
Play sure wench, the packs in thine own hand.
Soph.
Let me die lowsie, if these two wenches
Be not brewing knavery to stock a
Kingdome.
Petru.
Why this is a Riddle:
I love you, and I love you not.
Mar.
It is so:
And till your own experience do untie
it, [570]
This distance I must keep.
Petru.
If you talk more,
I am angry, very angry.
Mar.
I am glad on't, and I wil talke.
Petru.
Prethee peace,
Let me not think thou art mad. I
tell thee woman,
If thou goest forward, I am still
Petruchio.
Mar.
And I am worse, a woman that can feare
Neither Petruchio Furius,
nor his fame,
Nor any thing that tends to
our allegeance; [580]
There's a short method for you, now
you know me.
Petru.
If you can carry't so, tis very wel.
Bya.
No you shall carry it, sir.
Petru.
Peace gentle Low-bel.
Petron.
Use no more words, but come down instantly,
I charge thee by the duty of a child.
Petru.
Prethee come Maria, I forgive all.
Mar.
Stay there; That duty, that you charge me by
( If you consider truly what you
say )
Is now another mans, you gave't away
[590]
I'th Church, if you remember, to
my husband:
So all you can exact now, is no more
But onely a due reverence to your
person,
Which thus I pay: Your blessing,
and I am gone
To bed for this night.
Petron.
This is monstrous:
That blessing that St. Dunstan
gave the Devil,
If I were neere thee, I would give
thee___
Pull thee down by th' nose.
Bya.
Saints should not rave, sir;
[600]
A little Rubarb now were excellent.
Petru.
Then by that duty you owe to me Maria,
Open the doore, and be obedient:
I am quiet yet.
Mar.
I do confesse that duty; make your best on't.
Petru.
Why give me leave, I will.
Bya.
Sir, there's no learning
An old stiffe Jade to trot: you know
the morall.
Mar.
Yet as I take it sir, I owe no more
Then you owe back again.
Petru.
You wil not Article?
[610]
All I owe, presently, let me but
up, ile pay.
Mar.
Y'are too hot, and such prove Jades at length;
You do confesse a duty or respect
to me from you again:
That's very neere, or full the same
with mine?
Petru.
Yes.
Mar.
Then by that duty, or respect, or what
You please to have it, goe to bed
and leave me,
And trouble me no longer with your
fooling;
For know, I am not for you.
Petru.
Well, what remedy?
[620]
Petron.
A fine smart Cudgell. Oh that I were neer thee.
Bya.
If you had teeth now, what a case were we in?
[End page 101, catchword: Mor., EEBO
307/437]
Mor.
These are the most authentique Rebels, next
Tyrone, I ever read of.
Mar.
A weeke hence, or a fortnight, as you beare you,
And as I finde my will observ'd,
I may
With intercession of some friends
be brought
May be to kisse you; and so quarterly
To pay a little rent by composition,
You understand me?
[630]
Soph.
Thou Boy, thou.
Petru.
Well there are more Maides then Maudlin, that's
my comfort.
Mar.
Yes, and more men then Michael. (meat
Lady.
Petru.
I must not to bed with this stomach, and no
Mar.
Feed where you will, so it be sound, and whol-
Else live at livery, for i'le none
with you.
( some,
By.
You had best back one of the dairy maids, they'l
carry
But take heed to your girthes, you'l
get a bruise else.
[640]
Petru.
Now if thou would'st come down, and tender
All the delights due to a marriage
bed,
( me:
Studdy such kisses as would melt
a man,
And turne thy selfe into a thousand
figures,
To adde new flames unto me, I would
stand
Thus heavy, thus regardlesse, thus
despising
Thee, and thy best allurings: all
thy beauty
That's laid upon your bodies, mark
me well,
For without doubt your mind's are
miserable,
You have no maskes for them: all
this rare beauty,
[650]
Lay but the Painter, and the silke
worme by,
The Doctor with his dyets, and the
Taylor,
And you appeare like flead Cats,
not so handsome.
Mar.
And we appeare like her that sent us hither,
That onely excellent and beauteous
nature;
Truly our selves, for men to wonder
at,
But too divine to handle; we are
Gold,
In our own natures pure; but when
we suffer
The husbands stamp upon us then alayes,
And bas ones of you, men are mingled
with us, [660]
And make us blush like Copper.
Petru.
Then, and never
Till then are women to be spoken
of,
For till that time you have no soules
I take it :
Good night: come Gentlemen; i'le
fast for this night,
But by this hand -- well: I shall
come up yet ?
Mar.
Noe.
Petru.
There will I watch thee like a wither'd Jewry,
Thou shalt neither have meat, fire,
nor Candle,
Nor any thing that's easie: doe you
rebell so soone?
[670]
Yet take mercy.
By.
Put up your Pipes: to bed sir; i'le assure you
A moneths seige will not shake us.
Moro.
Well said Colonell.
Mar.
To bed to bed Petruchio: good night
Gentlemen,
You'l make my Father sicke with sitting
up:
Here you shall finde us any time
these ten dayes,
Unlesse we may march off with our
contentment.
Petru.
Ile hang first.
Mar.
And i'le quarter if I doe not,
[680]
Ile make you know, and feare a wife
Petruchio,
There my cause lies.
You have been famous for a woman
tamer,
And beare the fear'd-name of a brave
wife-breaker :
A woman now shall take those honours
off, ( leeve me,
And tame you; nay, never look so
bigge, she shall be-
And I am she: what thinke
ye; good night to all,
Ye shall finde Centinels
By.
If ye dare sally.
Exeunt
above.
Petro.
The devill's in 'em, ev'n the very devill, the
[690]
downe right devill.
[end column one, begin column two page 102]
Petru.
Ile devill 'em: by these ten bones I will: i'le
bring it to the old Proverb,
no sport no pie: ____
taken down i'th top of all my speed;
this is fine danc-
ing: Gentlemen, stick to me. You
see our Freehold's
touch'd, and by this light, we will
beleaguer 'em, and
either starve 'em out, or make 'em
recreant.
Petro.
Ile see all passages stopt, but those about 'em:
If the good women of the Towne dare
succour 'em,
We shall have warres indeed.
[700]
Soph.
Ile stand perdue upon 'em.
Mor.
My regiment shall lye before.
Iaq.
I think so, 'tis grown too old to stand.
Petru.
Let's in, and each provide his tackle,
We'l fire 'em out, or make 'em take
their pardons,
Heare what I say, on their bare knees
____
Am I Petruchio, fear'd, and
spoken of,
And on my wedding night am I thus
jaded? Exe. Omnes.
Bowers line numbers 1-292
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